


Dining Couples

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Fluff, Gap Filler, No Slash, Points of View, Season/Series 05, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-07
Updated: 2005-06-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: What exactly was going through everyone's mind during that disasterous dinner?Contains spoilers if you have not seen episode 504.





	Dining Couples

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**Brian**  
Dear God! Someone shoot me NOW! Could this couple _be_ any more boring? I cannot even entertain myself by fondling Justin since Mikey insisted on sitting next to me. When he invited me over I did not realize I would have to endure his homo-genized neighbors. And what the fuck kind of names are Monty and Eli anyway? I would rather watch Theodore explain the exciting world of tax deductions than spend anymore time with these wanna-be breeders. 

**Justin**  
Brian is so bored. I see him over there trying his best to be cordial. It’s killing him. At least Monty is somewhat tolerable even if his ‘ _husband_ ’ is an obnoxious prick. I hope Michael realizes what an effort Brian is making. “ ** _I love to cook._** ”

Oh God! Brian’s humor is falling flat. He did his best to recover but the look on Eli’s face is one of utter disapproval.

**Brian**  
Man these guys are stiff…and not in a fun way. Do they even have a sense of humor? It was a joke! Lighten the fuck up. Phew! How much longer is this dinner supposed to last anyway?

**Ben**  
The conversation has been mostly about our houses and neighborhood. I see the look of boredom on Brian’s face. I am trying to steer the conversation from garden walkways and street speed bumps to something Brian might enjoy. I am sending a small smile his way letting him know that our conversations are not meant to exclude him.

**Brian**  
I know these so called friends of Mikey’s do not approve of me. And they obviously lack any kind of interesting personalities. I know Ben is trying to be a gracious host but I refuse to let these dick-less fags make me ashamed of who I am. 

**Justin**  
Another joke disliked by the crowd. I can tell by the expression on Brian’s face that he is losing what little patience he has. Why on earth did Michael think that this dinner was such a good idea?

**Monty**  
Maybe we should try to make an effort to get to know these gentlemen. I mean Michael and Ben are wonderful so their friends must be also. We have managed to control the conversation unconsciously. Maybe if we could find a common topic the atmosphere would not be so uncomfortable. “ ** _What exactly do you do Brian_**?”

**Justin**  
I better speak up before Brian makes another unappreciated comment. “ ** _He’s president and CEO of Kinnetik, the top advertising agency of Pittsburgh._** ” There, a little spark of respect is surfacing now from the men across from me. Despite what they may think, Brian is a great success even if he does not fall within their parameters of proper living.

**Brian**  
“ ** _I am also President and CEO of Babylon the top gay dance club in Pittsburgh._** ” Finally, some actual signs of life from these assholes. Monty actually appears nostalgic. Maybe a night out at Babylon is what these guys need to get that stick removed. 

**Eli**  
This guy is ridiculous. How he is able to be president and CEO of any successful business is beyond me. It is obvious he lacks maturity. I mean look at his partner for God’s sake. He is barely a man, if a man at all. And those crude jokes of his. How on earth could he be Michael’s best friend? “ ** _I hardly think Babylon suits our lifestyle_**.”

**Ben**  
Oh shit! I know Eli has acted somewhat superior this evening, but now he has just blatantly called Brian’s life inferior. Lord Michael…Justin…help me keep things under control.

**Michael**  
Oh fuck! Maybe this was a bad idea. The look on Ben’s face, the immediate shift in Brian’s demeanor….this is not going to be good. “ ** _Can I get anybody anything?_** ”

**Justin**  
Well, this ought to be interesting. Eli went too far. The last thing Brian will tolerate is judgment of his ‘ _lifestyle_.’ I think Michael is finally realizing what a mistake he made tonight. Brian is not one to conform and he especially does not fit in with the suburbia crowd. 

**Brian**  
Oh I would love to hear their explanation of this. Just because I refuse to be one of the suburbanite fags with kiddie strollers and SUVs, my ‘ _lifestyle_ ’ is inappropriate? “ ** _What lifestyle is that, Monty?_** ”

**Justin**  
And so it begins. Brian even starts with his classic, ‘ _you are not important enough for me to remember your name_ ’ trick. Of course I don’t think Monty realizes it since he tries to politely correct Brian. Brian is brushing him off and continuing to challenge them.

**Monty**  
I think Eli is offending Michael’s guest. He is addressing me now instead of Eli. I need to try my best to explain ourselves instead of offending him further. “ ** _Well, these days, uh, we prefer to spend quiet time at home with our kids._** ”

**Eli**  
“ ** _Rather than in a room full of drugged up Peter Pans._** ” I hardly believe he has such a hard time understanding where we are coming from. 

**Michael**  
I have no idea what to do. I just keep eating hoping this conversation will end without blood shed. Eli has a point. I just don’t think Brian is listening to it.

**Justin**  
Brian is remaining calm. He even makes another joke trying to keep things from escalating. This situation can really get out of hand if Eli continues pushing him.

**Ben**  
I don’t think Eli and Monty are keen on Brian’s sense of humor. He comes off as a jerk, but if they really got to know him they would like him...at the very least understand him better. Everyone eventually does. “ ** _Brian’s a real kidder_**.”

**Eli**  
“ ** _I hardly think the promiscuous behavior that Babylon promotes is a laughing matter._** ” I don’t find this man’s humor or behavior the least bit entertaining. And I cannot believe we actually have the same friend’s! Ben & Michael seem far from the partying type. What could they possibly have in common with these two… _men_?

**Brian**  
OK. No one can accuse me of not trying. I have taken about as much of their bullshit as I can stand. “ ** _Oh, come on, fellas! Don’t tell me that after, how many did you say, 10 years together you guys haven’t had a little extra-marital ass…_** ” Justin just cut me off and is giving me a look. 

**Eli**  
“ ** _It’s called being in a mature loving relationship_**.” You pathetic joke of a man. 

**Brian**  
These guys are kidding themselves. “ ** _It’s called being dead_**.”

**Michael**  
That’s enough. I need to pull Brian away before they kill each other. “ ** _How about you help me with dessert?_** ”

**Brian**  
I was saving this for later as a joke, but I feel now is a perfect time to give it to them. “ ** _First... presents…now. Hope you boys don’t already have one_**.”

**Justin**  
Oh no. If Eli and Monty found Brian crude and vulgar before, they are in for a real treat.

**Ben**  
The smirk on Brian’s face cannot be good. “ ** _You bought us a sling?_** ” 

**Michael**  
This is not remotely funny. _For our playroom?_ That smug look on his face is revolting. How could he embarrass me…us…like this? Why couldn’t he behave?

**Brian**  
How priceless! Ben is handling my gift well, but Michael is sulking and pouting in the kitchen. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about impressing these jerk offs. This evening has been a complete bore and now I am finally having fun.

**Justin**  
I think now would be a good time to excuse ourselves for the evening. I think Brian has done just about enough damage for one night. Not that he is totally to blame, but I do not want him to continue to be disrespectful in Michael and Ben’s home. 

 

“ ** _I think we will skip dessert. I have to get up early tomorrow. Thank you for dinner guys. And it was a pleasure to meet you Monty and Eli._** ” 

Justin extends his hand in a polite manner with a pleasant smile across his face. Brian rolls his eyes as he stands from the table and heads towards the hallway. Ben escorts them out as Michael continues to hide in the kitchen.

Ben pulls Justin into a hug as Brian puts on his jacket.

“ ** _Sorry about the evening_** ,” Justin whispers as he hugs Ben.

“ ** _Don’t worry about it_** ,” Ben replies. 

Ben turns and shakes Brian’s hand as Justin puts on his jacket.

“ ** _What a fabulous evening, Professor! We must do this again._** ” Brian states sarcastically.

Ben gives Brian a playful smile and closes the door behind them as they leave. He returns to the dining area to find a disenchanted Monty and Eli and a pouting Michael.

“ ** _So…on to dessert._** ”


End file.
